My Addled Brain

I finally finished up Secret Project #1 this weekend, after a marathon of code tweaks, pokes, and prods. Well, it’s sort of finished, anyway - a bit of lorem ipsum here, a couple unfinished pages there. When this was mentioned to one of my bosses, he asked if we could put up one of those “under construction” banners. I looked at him funny for about 30 before asking him if we were going to be moving the pages to Geocities, as I could always add in some animated gifs and a cool midi file.

He shut up after that.

Anyway, feel free to peruse the new Kablelink site. Yes, splash pages are not my favorite way of greeting people, but that’s the way they wants it. So, they gets it. It’s pure XHTML & CSS, which means nothing to, oh, 90%+ of you. But the rest of you can view source and geek out, should you so desire.

I learned a LOT from this project - single image rollovers using background-position, drop shadows, and how to pull off those sweet rounded corners. This new-found knowledge is moving us well through Secret Project #2. Since I’m taking a few days off this week to prep myself for the new job, I hope to get a lot of work done on it. Who knows? Once it’s done, I might be cool enough to make one of those “Blog It Forward” memes, which seems to be all the rage with the kids these days.

I’m here, honest. As we approach my final days at the old job, I have been tasked with making a few small changes to this company’s public website. Originally, they wanted to just change some information. But, within a day, the project had pretty much exploded into redesigning the thing.

The current website is in a sad state of affairs. It’s simply ugly. It needs love. And love it is receiving, my friends. I have to have the changes done by Saturday night, so the work is, as you might imagine, feverish. Once it’s done, I’ll have a lovely before and after presentation for you to peruse. But for now, I’m gonna keep digging at this thing.

But, it’s done. Pics are NOT up right now, that will come later this week as I attempt to upgrade Gallery. I ain’t skurd none.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled dead website.

The move is on. Please do not attempt to adjust your monitors. Website hinkiness may occur for the next few days.

First off - the new Weber has converted me after just one use. No longer shall I descend to charcoal snobbery; my journey toward the dark side is complete. I whipped up some beef kabobs last night, complete with peppers, portobello mushrooms, and squash. Toss on a little olive oil, salt, and pepper, and it’s just ten minutes from skewer to mah bellah. A finer meal I haven’t cooked in quite a while, but I just might top it tonight: assuming I get home at a reasonable hour, my menu will be BBQ chicken, zucchini, and new potatoes.

Sorry ladies, I’m spoken for.

And the other big secret? What Teh One has been poking and prodding at for the last couple of weeks? Well, I guess it’s not much of a secret anymore, but I gots new employment, with the fine, upstanding people at Raymond James, pending a background check and a drug screen. Hopefully, that little stint I served with the Medellin drug cartel won’t show up, because as good as Kablelink has been to me, RJ has one thing I’ve never gotten in all my time here - air conditioning to my office/cubicle. And I’m hot, kids.

Ive mentioned the child star phenomenon before, and thanks to E(!), most everyone has heard about in one form or another. Drugs, prostitution, grand theft, candidacy for governor - the list of charges goes on and on among the fallen.

But leave it to a Saturday morning kids TV show persona to commit cold-blooded murder (allegedly). Enter Skylar Deleon (occasional extra on the original “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” - and there’s a claim to fame if ever I heard one), accused, along with his wife, a member of the Crips (not his wife), and a prison guard, of killing a married couple by tying them to a boat anchor and tossing them overboard somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, so they could steal their yacht.

That’s about as cold blooded as it gets, people. Now, I would love to own a boat - and as wonderful as my new Weber is (more on that later), it’s not paticularly bouyant, so it hardly qualifies. But I’m not about to, say, kill Tommy so I can get a hold of his fishin’ boat. (Granted, if the severity of the crime were equal to the value of the object being stolen, I could only really strand him on a sandbar about 75 feet from shore to achieve the same amount of karmic equity - but I digress). Maybe it’s just because I don’t place that kind of materialistic need on something that expensive. I don’t need a vehicle that costs more than my home, much less one that is only really good for taking Todd and Buffy on a scenic trip around Martha’s Vineyard while drinking wine and mocking the middle class.

The case against them looks fairly solid, but I’m sure the Court TV coverage will suss out all the details with the excruciating clarity we’ve come to expect from them. Did I say “clarity”? Sorry, I meant “pointlessness”. One thing’s for sure - if Skylar had joined Captain Planet’s crew instead, he would most certainly have not turned out that way. Cap just don’t roll like that.

As much as I hate to admit it, free web hosting has it’s down sides. For example, I need to be able to set up some tasks to run on a regular basis, but to do so, I need access to the system. My current host allows me to do none of these things. And with the price I’m paying, it’s kind of hard to bitch about it.

So, for the umpteenth time, this site is moving. Should happen either this week or the next, with time allowing. By doing so, I’ve put some things in motion that, should I not carry them out, will result in me wasting a decent chunk of money. And since Teh One prefers fiscal solvency to being poor, I have a feeling she’ll be spurring me on as much as she can. Probably with that poker I mentioned before.

And you’re welcome, Gax.

Just so we understand each other - I am a fan of two state schools: the University of Florida, and the University of South Florida. This stance generally puts me at odds with just about every other state school there is, at least when in comes to collegiate sporting events, math league competitions, and the ever popular Florida University System Annual Marijuana Brownie Bake-Off. So, whenever misfortune strikes, say, Florida State University, I can usually look from the sidelines with a wry smile.

Which is why it’s more than a little wierd for me to get their back here, but on that ever-growing list of institutions that must be destroyed, I’ll stick FSU way, WAY below political correctness. It seems that fair state institution, they of the well-respected Circus college, has been told by the NCAA that their mascot and team symbols are offensive and disrespectful, and cannot be used at all during post-season competition.

Hmm…offensive. My question is, to whom is this offensive? The only likely culprit I can find would be the Seminole Indian tribe - after all, they call themselves “Seminoles”, and their mascot is a native riding a painted horse who chucks a spear in the ground at every game. Boy, I can feel their hackles rising up from here! The nerve of FSU! Who came up with that brilliant display of tactlessness and crass disregard for others feelings?

Why, the Seminole Indian tribe did, actually. In fact, not only do they fully support and embrace FSU, their team name, and their mascot, they had a hand in designing them. I suppose that’s not good enough for the NCAA, what with their proud, honorable history and all. The NCAA is telling the Seminole Indian tribe what they should think, and spitting in their face by saying their support isn’t good enough.

Hell, this post is double-wierd for me, because I find myself in agreement with Jeb! as well. Now I need to take several showers and scrub myself until clean clean clean must make self clean!

No, I will not be discussing the secret, shady dealings that only myself and a select few are currently privy to. To do so might, as Teh One succinctly puts it, “jinx it”. Between the black cat we keep around these parts, the doorway frames made out of ladders, and my endless habit of breaking mirrors whenever I spy them, I’d say I’ve got more than enough jinxing going on here for all of us, so I’ll just keep it on the down-low. You know what it is that I am saying, G? She added that comment in a crude attempt to goad me into posting; but as we all know, the only thing that can force a post out of me is a red-hot poker, and I’ve got that bad boy well hidden this time. I think.

However, there are other plans and macinations going beyond the current, master plan. For example - I finished up a lovely business website for the Irish Stud. It’s a nice bit of work, I think. But judge for yourself. No, I won’t win any awards as a graphic artist, but the site does it’s job admirably, I think. There are more in the works, my friends - including a little something I hope our little blogging community at large can enjoy…

But that’s in the future. For now, while I bask in the glory of internet success, I also dwell in moral failure. This week, I will be purchasing a *gulp* gas grill. Yes, I have the most perfect little charcoal Weber…but I can’t come home after a hard day at the office, pushing keys at my keyboard until fatigued and spent, and then spend the time getting charcoal aligned, scattering newspaper about, and praying to the sun god for a good, even heat. My beastial hunger for singed meat cannot be denied, and refuses to wait 30 minutes. “Fire good, fire NOW!”, it whispers to me, in a thick, frantic voice, before returning to thoughts of internet porn. Gas will feed the need, although it pains me greatly to do so.

You can stop laughing at me now, Gax.

Wedding Crashers.

The gratuitious
boobs scene is the worst bit. No,
I don’t play “tummy sticks”.

Screw you syllable counters. Right in your ear.