Excerpts from fictional autobiographies not written by Bill Clinton (an occasional series)

This idea kind of came to me in a dream last night. I’m pretty fond of it, and since I’m too lazy to write complete short stories, I think excerpts from the private lives of fictional people will have to do. Less grunt work. So, I’ll be dropping one these in whenever I feel like it - which may be never again, depending on how it’s received and what I think about it later.

For weeks afterwards, I had dreams where I would be walking through the streets of downtown, presumably on my way to the station, on a beautiful spring morning. Suddenly, I would hear a loud crack of thunder, and I would look up, and see a torrential downpour of frozen Butterball turkeys come tearing from the sky, smashing car windshields, obliterating building roofs, and narrowly avoiding pedestrians scrambling for whatever cover they could find. Oddly enough, I could walk through this frozen thanksgiving hailstorm with nary a scratch, despite the obvious carnage it wrought.

Twice, I had the same dream, except instead of turkeys, they were people.

–From “A Newsman’s Life”, by Les Nessman

Yeah, it’s a bit wierd, unless you get the gag. But hey, it’s me - what do you expect?

Comments (9) to “Excerpts from fictional autobiographies not written by Bill Clinton (an occasional series)”

  1. I’m waiting for the part about how he constructed his office.

  2. That happens to me all the time. Except instead of turkeys, it’s Soylent Green.

  3. I’ve thought about it. I officially really, really like this idea. You will see more. This is your only warning.

  4. Applause

  5. That was really good! Very surreal, and funny. Surreal’s not a word I use very much, either. Maybe make it like a weekly add on, sometimes you continue the same story, sometimes you don’t.

  6. Dreaded continuity….

  7. What’s wrong with continuity? Isn’t the continuity of AO’s life drama the reason you come back here? Or is it mine? =P

  8. Okay I hit refresh 5 times. Where’s my update? :)

  9. …. looking for the “new post shaped beacon” again …

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