My Addled Brain

This idea kind of came to me in a dream last night. I’m pretty fond of it, and since I’m too lazy to write complete short stories, I think excerpts from the private lives of fictional people will have to do. Less grunt work. So, I’ll be dropping one these in whenever I feel like it - which may be never again, depending on how it’s received and what I think about it later.

For weeks afterwards, I had dreams where I would be walking through the streets of downtown, presumably on my way to the station, on a beautiful spring morning. Suddenly, I would hear a loud crack of thunder, and I would look up, and see a torrential downpour of frozen Butterball turkeys come tearing from the sky, smashing car windshields, obliterating building roofs, and narrowly avoiding pedestrians scrambling for whatever cover they could find. Oddly enough, I could walk through this frozen thanksgiving hailstorm with nary a scratch, despite the obvious carnage it wrought.

Twice, I had the same dream, except instead of turkeys, they were people.

–From “A Newsman’s Life”, by Les Nessman

Yeah, it’s a bit wierd, unless you get the gag. But hey, it’s me - what do you expect?

An example in subtlely.

Anyone want to take a guess what today is? That’s right! It’s my last day being 25. Am anticipating an update. *ahem* =)

Posted by Teh Won at June 24, 2004 11:02 AM

For those of you having trouble reading between the lines, let me help you with the gentle hint she gave you - The 1!!1 is 26 today. I’ve already started the birthday festivities by sending her flowers - a day early.

Hey, I like to keep on top of things.

There are other gifts she know about, like a trip to see some fish, and we’ll probably catch some fine foods while we’re out in O-Town. There’s also stuff she doesn’t know about - yet. She can consider herself warned. Muahahahaha.

Happy birthday, baby.

I’m sure The Gax is salivating all over himself, wherever he is - as of this writing it looks like private spacetravel is becoming reality, as SpaceShipOne has safely detached and is entering the upper atmosphere. That’s right, soon, space travel will no longer be a journey taken solely by scientists, rich people, and irritating former boy band members, but by everyday schmucks like you and me. I won’t hesitate to mention that the little geek in me is doing backflips over this concept.

Ok, it’s a big geek. But you get the idea. And granted, as of right now there’s really nowhere for the average man to go, no specific destination…but still…space. Just take in the concept, let out a Keanu-like “whoa”…then get back to work, slacker.

UPDATE: SS1 is back on the ground already. It’s almost like a comedy sketch - look kids, Big Ben, Parliment!

Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban:

A Harry Potter
even Sean Connery would
not turn down. Damn rats.

It’s nice to be adored by a community. Well, ok, it’s just The Gax, who has not just blogrolled yours truly , he added my freaking RSS feed. Truly, I am humbled by your attention.

I came to the conclusion that I need a new car Monday morning when Teh 1!!1 sat down in the passenger seat and it made a light squishing sound. Seems the seals surrounding the moonroof of my fine American automobile have started to give out, resulting in leakage and a soaked fanny. Fortunately, it hasn’t rained all that much this week, so there hasn’t been a repeat. But that’s just a matter of time, since the Florida rainy season is upon us with all the fury that nature permits without sinking this fine state into the sea upon which it is so tenuously built.

So, I’m in the hunt for a vehicle. And I haven’t the slightest idea as to what I want. I’m pretty sure something with cargo space is not a bad idea, but I’m not totally sure I need it. So please - your thoughts on the appropriate vehicle for a thirty year old geek.

Anyone recommending Scions will be banned. Pretty much everything else is fair game.

The Chronicles of Riddick:

A science fiction
ass kicking. Turns Pitch Black on
it’s head. More, kthx.

I know I’ve mentioned it before, but in light of the passing of Ronald Reagan, that great communicator, that father of modern conservative politics, that champion of freedom (be the oppressed German or Iranian), things have gone from silly to downright ridiculous. According to CNN:

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist wants to rename the Pentagon the “Ronald Reagan National Defense Building.” Rep. Dana Rohrabacher wants to put Reagan’s face on the $20 bill, replacing Andrew Jackson. Sen. Mitch McConnell wants to put him on the $10, replacing Alexander Hamilton. Rep. Mark Souder wants to put Reagan on the dime. (source)

One day, I’ll live on the corner of Reagan 51st St. and Reagan 43rd Ave., I’ll get to make a living programming in RRASP.Net, and after work, I can drive my Ford Reagan XLT down Ronald Reagan Boulevard to the Ronald Reagan Memorial St. Pete Times Forum and watch the Stanley Cup™ winning Tampa Bay Lightning (in memory of The Gipper) play the Anaheim Mighty Gippers. And I can pay for the tickets with money printed with Ron’s great mug grinning back at me. On every single denomination.

Can we please, please, please not do this? PLEASE? Yes, he was quite possibly the most beloved president ever, but for the love of Thomas Jefferson, take a chill, people. You don’t see people running around slapping Bill Clinton’s name on everything…yet. I fear the day when that starts happening with a dread I cannot name. Put the man to his eternal rest, give the nation time to move on, and then start slipping in the Reagan tributes with the next revision of the Patriot Act - it seems nobody reads bills relating to national security anymore, so if you want to rename the Washington Monument the Ronald Reagan Giant Spike of Liberty, that’s probably a safe place to put it.

The Madre seems to think I’m angry these days. “You’re so angry,” she said to me the other night, while dining on a delicious and nutricious Cracker Barrel meal. I dunno why she thinks so, but hey, things happen in the world that I don’t agree with, and I find myself inclined to comment on them. Sue me. However, in order to assuage her concern, here is a picture of a kitten in a teacup.

Sing it with me - “Shiny, happy people holding haaaaaaaands…”

I suppose this will only be news to those who live in a sealed concrete bunker two miles below sea level and rely solely on Jim Rome and this site for their sports information, but the Tampa Bay Lightning are, indeed, your Stanley Cup Champions. As a Bolts fan from the old school (meaning I attended more than one game at the Florida State Fairgrounds, when they brand spanking new and icing was still only for cakes), I’m pumped as hell about this. Reason I haven’t mentioned it before now? I dunno, I just figured others had it covered, so I let them handle it. But the cup is here, and I can’t wait to find out what hijinx the cup will get into this year - you know somebody’s gonna take it to the Mons (NSFM).

Christian conservative groups are always entertaining. Whether it’s bashing homosexuals, burning books, or telling you exactly how you should live your life, there’s something new almost every day for the common man to look at and shake his head in wonderment. And of all the causes one might think they would take up, should we really be surprised that one would be secession? Witness Christian Exodus, a movement of, oh, I’d say at least a dozen people, easy, with the aim of gathering 50,000 like-minded bretheren, moving to a yet-to-be-named southern state (but narrowed down to South Carolina, Alabama, and Mississippi), and forming their own constitutional democracy. Yes, that’s right, you too may be the surprise resident of an entirely new country, assuming this ridiculous notion actually gets off the ground.

Now, Mr. and Mrs. Christian Conservative, I understand you might feel marginalized these days, what with gay people running rampant in the streets, getting married, having sex on your lawn, and stealing your valuable posessions. It’s a scary, sin-filled world we live in. But why stop at secession? Why not attempt a coup? I’m sure you could take a state like South Dakota completely by surprise if you staged a revolt there. From there, it would be easy to conquer states in the general vicinity (with the exception of California), and soon world domination will be yours!

Or, you could wake up tomorrow, realize something this stupid will never, ever see practical daylight, and go back to being sullen at the world that’s moved beyond your small minded thinking.

For those of you who wondered why some of us distrust big companies, and don’t quite understand why everyone thinks Enron was such a big deal, here’s a clue. Previously, the evidence against Enron pretty much amounted to some ridiculously major accounting tricks - certainly not on the up and up, but not illegal per se. However, I think filching the west coast for millions of dollars a day just might be something altogether different. And when you consider these events helped lead to the removal of Grey Davis from the gubenatorial seat of California, making way for the Governator…well, that’s enough to get those proverbial fat white men harrumphing all the way to the courthouse.

No, I’m not saying that what happened in California is all Enron’s fault - that’s just stupid. Grey Davis is much more culpable for his own downfall than Enron, if for no other reason than not taking the recall seriously until it was far too late. But if the power crisis hadn’t come to pass, would things still be the same as they are now? No one knows, except perhaps in some alternate universe where Ken Lay joined the Peace Corps instead of going to business school.