My Addled Brain

Will the people I watched and admired in my youth please do me a favor and quit dying already? For the uninformed, Mr. Rogers has taken his last trip to the Land of Make Believe.

No matter what you think about a man who wears cardigan sweaters and talks to everyone in a pleasant, enunciated monotone, no one can deny that he was a man that any child could watch without the parents having to worry about something objecitonable or innappropriate coming up. Unlike most of the rest of television.

On a completely unrelated (and one hell of a lot funnier) note, here is why blimps will devour your soul.

I’m slowly working on the wedding site. Work has me fairly buried, and I’m not finding a whole lot of energy to write. Like this is news to you people. Honestly, I’m not finding a whole lot of energy to do anything this week. Something must be done. Time to take up heroin. In any case, I hope to have at least finished the first chapter by Friday, but we’ll see how it goes.

A big Addled Brain congratulations to MKAW, who had celebrated her birthday over the weekend at that bastion of healthy eating, Lee Roy Selmon’s, along with myself and some friends. God but I love that place. Why? Four words: bacon and cheese grits. Lord have mercy. Now hurry up and have that kid already.

Rejoice, poetry lovers: it’s the return of Movie Review Haikus, with a double header for you. First: Old School:

Will Ferrell is my
hero. Tranquilizer guns.
“We’re going streaking!”

And a special DVD review: Super Troopers

A syrup chugging,
fast food cashier beating
comedy riot.

So, the Democratic party has about 18 million candidates running for president. Good thing the election is a year and a half away - we have enough time to weed some of them out simply through natural selection. Maybe for the next election, they can start running as soon as Bush is sworn in again. There’s nothing I like more than a good electoral campaign, except perhaps the unmitigated joy of watching the entirety of a Ken Burns documentary in one sitting, or maybe chewing gravel while jumping in a swimming pool filled with broken glass, razor blades, and sharks. Somebody save me from the democratic process, please.

MKAW is fit to burst. Theoretically, she’s about a month off from unleashing Emily onto an unsuspecting world - the reality is, she looks ready to blow at any second. This is not to slight you, MKAW, but to paraphrase Will Smith: “Damn girl, you getting big!” Glad to see the Glisson genes kicking in on this one - both my brother and I came out big enough for us to dwarf the other kids in the nursery. And I may have to come up with a new nickname for her…

So I ran into my Uncle David this morning. Took one of my twice a week visits to the bagel shop today (had an Asiago Cheese with egg and pepperjack cheese - scrum-diddly-icious), and there he was, standing in line right in front of me. We chatted, then he started talking about the silver Mercedes ML500 parked right in front of the store, in the lovely No Parking zone clearly delineated with fresh yellow paint. He said he saw it there all the time, like it was it’s designated parking space. We both came to the conclusion that the driver of said Mercedes probably thought he was better than everyone else.

David is something of a maverick in my family. In his younger days, he used to make his living making telephone companies, then selling them off. He would then proceed to squander the money he made in rather spectacular fashion before doing it all over again. This lead to difficulties amongst him and The Padre - long story glossed over, there was a period of several years where I didn’t see David. I’ve always liked him, even though I didn’t totally understand him, or his wife’s obsession with perfectly manicured poodles. But no matter what you have to say about him, he’s definitely got the Glisson Stubborn Streak™, and isn’t afraid to say something when he’s got an itch to.

So it should have come to absolutetly no surprise whatsoever when David confronted the driver of said luxury SUV as he and his wife got in it to leave. My uncle, the Miss Manners of parking. I stayed inside - I don’t have the kind of cojones to confront another human being for generally boorish behavior unless it directly affects me. He was gone for about a minute, then came back in. He said the driver told him that he could “park wherever he damn well pleased”, and that his wife wasn’t much better in attitude. We laughed about this as I flirted with the waifish cashier - good looking girl, in a hemp clothing sort of way. Once our orders came up, we headed out. “It was good to see you” he said as we walked out of the door, and split towards our separate vehicles. “Good to see you” I responded. And it was.

To be honest, I didn’t know what to expect going into this weekend. Jamie and Ubergeek’s wedding had a chance to be either really, really good, or a complete and total disaster. Luckily, enough money was sunk into the planning of this event (by far the most elaborate wedding I’ve ever been in, much less attended) that everything went smoothly. Frighteningly smoothly.

I could put a breakdown of everything that’s happened here on this page, but I think this event requires something with a bit more attention (just like everything else that has gone along with this wedding). It may take me a week or so to get it done, but I think everybody’s going to like it. But I will mention a few important things.

• When using a tube to dispense confetti, it is wise to hold the tube over your head, and flick with your wrist only - otherwise, you risk injuring those nearby you with giant wads of tissue paper.
• Sleeping on a Disney couch is nowhere near as comfortable as sleeping on an egg crate on the floor.
• I may snore, but the Other Brother pretty much kicks my arse in the noise department. MCG has the video to prove it.
• When paying for rooms for your child and his or her ex-wife, it is always a good idea to put the two rooms under separate names, lest the ex commandeer both rooms, leaving your child up the proverbial creek.
• They really don’t know a whole lot of songs at dueling piano bars.
• I think my liver gave out sometime Saturday night. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had that much to drink over the same period of time. Luckily, all my drinking took place at the hotel I was staying at, so there was no need to drive, or attempt to figure out which bus to take back to my hotel in my Jack Daniel’s induced haze. I’m taking up water again - at least flouride isn’t fatal.

Or, I could look like this.

I had a feeling.

When the leasing company was bought out, I had a feeling.

When they installed the new fountains, I had a feeling.

When they started installing gates, I had a feeling.

But when I got home today, and found a lovely note on my door, I realized that I was, unfortunately, right.

If I stay where I’m living now, I get kidney punched with a 30$ a month rate increase. This is not something out of my budget - with my car paid off, this is chump change. It’s the way this was handled. Previously, when asked to renew my lease, I got a nice note in the mail, thanking me for being a renter, and offering to renew my lease, just inquire in the office for rates. This time, I got a form letter straight out of Word, complete with hand written blanks and a warning that if I decide to move, that I have to give sixty days written notice, or pay a hefty fine.

My understanding of this is that this is called a penalty, and is unenforceable under Florida law. I’m going to ask a few people about this just to make sure, but as I read it, these written notices only apply when breaking a lease early, not when a lease is scheduled to end.

By the way - my lease is scheduled to end in exactly one month. I’m good and pissed now, and weighing my options.

More fun with redesign - this time to the calendar. Should work out fine, until I decide to scrap it in a month with a completely different look. Someday, we’ll all get it right.

From the people that brought you Viking Kittens: We like tha moon!

Because it needs to be said: I AM SUCH AN ASSHOLE!!!! I hope you’re satisifed.

* Hahahaha! You got that right, bunky! Brat soooooooo nailed you with that one! *

Well, well, well, look who’s crawled out of his electrical outlet. What’s your beef with me?

* Me? Nothing in particular - just because I have decided to spare your miserable life does not mean I don’t enjoy mocking your existence. And enough with the electrical outlet stuff. I’ve been off the juice for two weeks now - I’m clean. *

Uh huh.

* No, really! I’ve joined Electroholics Anonymous and everything - I’m on the wagon. *

Ok then. Explain that extension cord you’re holding.

* What, this? I’m…um…just plugging in the spare TV in the bedroom. *

Look Robby, cut the crap. Last time you plugged in, you went on a bender that landed you in Charter for over a month. You remember what you did to that PetCo? No? Well, the next time you get lit and decide to do some “gene-splicing”, don’t expect me to bail you out! I can’t afford that nonsense again. Now give me that!

* -sniff- I’m sorry…I can’t help myself! I’m…I’m gonna go call my sponsor. He’s an ATM that’s been in EA for four years now. *

You do that.

Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Enjoy the new menus. Idea pretty much stolen from our man Zeldman. But then, that’s what the web is all about.

Update: 3:10 PM - Fixed the rollover bug. I think. If anybody still has a problem with the new menus, let me know.