Worst. Medical. Procedure. Ever.
Been to the doctor’s again, this time to take the infamous Tilt Table Test. You’d think, with a name like “Tilt Table”, that the experience would be akin to an amusement park ride. But no, they just strap you to a table, and tilt it up about 88 degrees, so you’re almost completely upright. You have to stand still - no shuffling feet, no shifting weight, no drastic body movement, for about an hour. Short story shorter - it sucked.
I suppose there would have been a payoff if a problem had been discovered…but alas. I am as fit as an overweight fiddle. Victory is mine! I have smited the foul passing-out beast! Bring on the hookers and booze!
But the worst part about it? Getting the IV setup put in. I am the first to admit that I’m a HUGE baby when it comes to needles - so when the nurses couldn’t get the vein after three tries…I was a bit…perturbed. They finally got it on the fourth go-around (up my forearm), but now I look like a junkie with all these track marks. Isn’t medical science wonderful? They can do non-invasive surgery with tiny robotic instruments, but they can’t pop a needle into a rather visible vein? I’m fairly certain I could train a monkey to do it.
Robby has taken all of this with more than a little amusement at my expense. I suppose you think it’s funny?
* Funny? Moi? Why would I think you passing out for no apparent reason is funny? *
You’re telling me that you weren’t trying to make fun of me when you told your "friends" that you were having my apartment floor and walls padded, just in case there was an accident?
* Absolutely not! I meant that - my only concern is for your safely and well being. *
Wow…gee, Robby…I didn’t know you cared.
* Well, to be honest…I don’t. Hey everyone, want to hear my imitation of Brett? Wow, this sure was a good breakfast at Waffle House! I love this place, especially the cute waitresses they have there! They’re just dreamy! They make me wanna…wanna…THUD *
Ha ha. Very funny. Ho ho. It is to laugh.
* Thank you very much, folks, I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waitress! *
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